Toilet Paper Love
by Aisuru1
Summary: *finished*complete* Sailor Moon has convinced Sailor Mercury to help her break into Mamoru's apartment to toilet paper his bedroom. What happens when they get caught - by Tuxedo Kamen!?


Title: Toilet Paper Love  
  
Author: Aisuru  
  
Email: aisuru_chan@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Sailor Moon has convinced Sailor Mercury to help her break  
  
into Mamoru's apartment to toilet paper his bedroom. What happens  
  
when they get caught - by Tuxedo Kamen!? I admit it took me over an  
  
hour, but I don't know how long it took because I kept getting  
  
interrupted!  
  
Chapters: 1/1  
  
Status: Complete  
  
Year Completed: 2002  
  
One-hour challenge # 28  
  
  
  
"I am sure this constitutes abuse of senshi powers!" Sailor Mercury  
  
muttered.  
  
  
  
"Come on, Mercury," Sailor Moon whined. "You know I can't do this  
  
without you."  
  
  
  
"What if the door is locked?" Mercury asked. "Will you go so far as  
  
to shatter it with one of your tiaras?"  
  
  
  
Moon rolled her eyes at Mercury's sudden cowardice. "Why would  
  
anyone lock a balcony door on the eighth floor? You are the one that  
  
wanted me to explore other cultures. This is a very important  
  
American tradition. Who knows, it might even help my English grades!"  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon ignored the incredulous look Mercury was giving her.  
  
Obviously she was not going to out-logic Mercury, so she would just  
  
have to settle for bullying her. "Just do it, Mercury, before  
  
someone shows up."  
  
  
  
With a sigh, Sailor Mercury relented. She cast her fog into the  
  
night sky, hiding her and Sailor Moon from view as they leapt onto  
  
the eighth floor balcony. As Sailor Moon had suspected, the door was  
  
unlocked. The two senshi turned juvenile delinquent slipped through  
  
the door and into Mamoru's bedroom.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon grinned as she pulled two rolls of toilet paper from her  
  
subspace pocket. "More abuse of our senshi powers," Sailor Mercury  
  
moaned as Sailor Moon decorated the bedroom with toilet paper  
  
streamers.  
  
  
  
As senshi leader, Sailor Moon knew one of her most important jobs was  
  
to boost the morale of her fellow soldiers. "Playing pranks on April  
  
Fools' Day is an important American tradition," Moon said  
  
encouragingly as she looped the paper through the handles of Mamoru's  
  
dresser in a random pattern. She unrolled more paper, and made  
  
elegant draping bridges between the dresser and the posts of Mamoru's  
  
bed. Toilet paper spiraled down each post. The free-standing mirror  
  
was enwrapped like a mummy. Struck with creative inspiration, Sailor  
  
Moon tied a fancy bow of toilet paper on the mirror, making it look  
  
like a very unusual birthday present of sorts. The bow theme took  
  
off, and Mercury soon found herself fashioning toilet paper bows for  
  
Moon to tie on each of the four posts of his bed, and the blades of  
  
his ceiling fan. Once the ceiling fan was noticed, of course, it was  
  
only a matter of time before a heavy curtain of toilet paper  
  
stretched from the fan to cover the bed.  
  
  
  
"Now for the closet," Sailor Moon said with a maniacal laugh. She  
  
reached for the doorknob leading into the closet, but was stopped by  
  
Sailor Mercury.  
  
  
  
"We cannot invade his privacy!" she exclaimed.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon looked at her genius friend as if she had suddenly become  
  
quite daft. "We can't invade his privacy?" she asked. "You don't  
  
think breaking into his house and toilet papering his room counts as  
  
invading his privacy? You have some strange moral code!"  
  
  
  
Mercury shook her head. "It's just... Going through his closet?  
  
Isn't that a bit much?"  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon grinned. "I wasn't going to go through his closet, just  
  
decorate it a little, but that's a great idea. Maybe I'll find  
  
something that I can use for blackmail so he won't call me Odango  
  
Atama anymore!" With these words, the closet door was flung open.  
  
  
  
Sailor Mercury had decided she wasn't going to look, but at Sailor  
  
Moon's gasp of horror she couldn't help herself. "What is it? What  
  
is it?" she asked.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon shuddered. "It's just so hideous!" she cried, pointing  
  
at Mamoru's favorite green jacket. She swallowed hard, trying to  
  
psyche herself up, and reached for the green jacket's hanger. She  
  
couldn't reach it. Mercury couldn't either. "It should be illegal  
  
for people to be that tall," she complained of Mamoru, settling for  
  
grabbing the edge of the jacket and giving it a good tug. The jacket  
  
refused to relinquish its grasp of its hanger, but it did release the  
  
contents of its pocket. An ink pen, a folded piece of paper, and a  
  
wrapper from a mini chocolate bar fell onto the closet floor.  
  
  
  
The pen and the candy wrapper were ignored, but the girls dived for  
  
the mysterious folded piece of paper. Sailor Mercury grabbed it  
  
first, crushing it in her hand. "We cannot invade his privacy any  
  
more than we have," she cried.  
  
  
  
"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Sailor Moon taunted.  
  
Sailor Mercury relented and handed over the piece of paper. She  
  
unfolded it and read the words, written in Mamoru's neat  
  
characters. "What the heck is this?" she raged. "My address! Why  
  
does that baka have my address? And why is he carrying it in his  
  
pocket?" Sailor Moon looked to Mercury. "This is a mystery that  
  
must be solved!"  
  
  
  
Sailor Mercury nodded in agreement. The two girls began desperate  
  
attempts to free the ugly green jacket from its hanger. Over the  
  
clanging of metal hangers, they failed to notice the sound of  
  
Mamoru's front door opening.  
  
***  
  
Mamoru had had a very bad day. He had made the mistake of telling  
  
Motoki about the April Fools' Day tradition in the United States, so  
  
his friend had decided to celebrate the day by putting curdled milk  
  
into his morning cup of coffee, bought as usual from the Crown Fruit  
  
Parlor where his friend worked. Then, at his part time job at the  
  
television studio, one of his coworkers had thought it would be a  
  
blast to hide the report he had stayed up all night to complete. He  
  
had been severely reprimanded by his boss for misplacing the  
  
important document, but when his coworker had come forward with the  
  
report, admitting he had taken it as a prank, his boss had had the  
  
nerve to think it was funny! Then, when he was walking home after  
  
work, he had felt the tingling sensation that accompanies Sailor  
  
Moon's transformation - at least, that is what he suspected it was -  
  
but after transforming he didn't feel the normal rush of adrenaline  
  
that he usually followed to find the heroine. He searched the park,  
  
but found no sign of a youma attack. He would just have to assume  
  
that she was okay, although he knew he would be anxious about it  
  
until he saw her again.  
  
  
  
As he used his key to unlock his door, he realized one more thing  
  
that had gone wrong with his day. He hadn't run into Usagi. A day  
  
without Usagi could never be a good day. Mamoru shook his head in  
  
disgust at himself. 'She is way too young for you, you pervert,' he  
  
scolded himself as he turned his doorknob. 'And don't forget that  
  
you are involved in a battle with the Dark Kingdom, a search for a  
  
mystical stone that will set a princess free, and a mission to keep  
  
Sailor Moon safe. Keep beautiful Usagi at a distance any way you  
  
can!'  
  
  
  
With these thoughts, he pushed open his door and stepped inside.  
  
Immediately his senses were on full alert. He was not alone.  
  
Someone was in his apartment! Leaving the door opened in case he  
  
needed to make a sudden escape, he slipped into the shadows and  
  
surveyed his living room. There were no signs of burglary or  
  
property damage, and no sign of either people or youma. It was the  
  
same in his kitchen: nothing had been disturbed.  
  
  
  
He was glad for once that he lived in a one bedroom apartment, as  
  
there were very few rooms to search. He walked down his hallway,  
  
silent as a cat, and heard noises coming from his bedroom. The  
  
hallway seemed to grow several degrees cooler as he approached the  
  
room. Unsure what he would find, he slipped into his bathroom to  
  
transform.  
  
***  
  
The not-so-alert senshi were so busy going through Mamoru's closet  
  
that they failed to notice when Mamoru's bedroom door opened and the  
  
mysterious figure of Tuxedo Kamen slipped into the room. Tuxedo  
  
Kamen had expected to find a bungling burglar or a destructive youma  
  
from the noises coming from his bedroom, but instead he saw two  
  
senshi attacking his closet. Sailor Mercury was casting her chilling  
  
fog - the cause of the drop in temperature - towards the hangers in  
  
his closet, and Sailor Moon appeared to be looking for something on  
  
his closet floor. The heroine he always protected was on her knees,  
  
her face and upper body swallowed up in the shadows of his closet, so  
  
all he could see of her was her golden pigtails, her red boots, her  
  
senshi skirt - which was really only covering her hips at this  
  
moment - and the white lace clad bottom and the bare thighs she was  
  
currently exposing.  
  
  
  
Tuxedo Kamen considered clearing his throat to alert them to his  
  
presence (the expression on Sailor Moon's face as she realized the  
  
show she was giving him would be priceless), but he needed to know  
  
why they were in his bedroom and what they were doing in his closet,  
  
and he couldn't risk them escaping before giving him answers. He  
  
locked his bedroom door, sliding the key into an inner pocket of his  
  
tuxedo jacket. Then he turned to block the only other exit, the door  
  
to his balcony.  
  
  
  
The senshi were oblivious as he stepped over streamers of toilet  
  
paper towards the balcony door. His view of the girls in his closet  
  
was blocked by the toilet paper draperies hanging to his bed from his  
  
ceiling fan, but he kept his ears tuned to their conversation as he  
  
closed and locked the balcony door. "Did it work yet, Mercury?"  
  
Sailor Moon was asking. "I'm getting cold!"  
  
  
  
"Not yet, but I'm certain this will work," she replied, casting  
  
another chilling fog into his closet. "The metal of the hanger will  
  
become brittle with the repeated freezing, and soon it will break.  
  
Then..."  
  
  
  
"Then the jacket will be mine!" Sailor Moon exclaimed. Her mockery  
  
of Zoicite's evil laughter was thankfully muffled because her head  
  
was still in the closet.  
  
  
  
"What about you, Sailor Moon," Mercury asked. "Have you found any  
  
clues in those boxes?"  
  
  
  
"Nothing but shoes so far," she answered, and Tuxedo Kamen could hear  
  
her adorable pout in her voice. He realized, though, that if she was  
  
looking through the boxes stacked on his closet floor, she would find  
  
the box of Usagi memorabilia he had hidden there. He didn't know why  
  
the senshi were going through his things, but he had to assume that  
  
they had determined his identity as Tuxedo Kamen and were looking for  
  
more information about him. If they found the collection of Polaroid  
  
he had taken of his secret obsession, they would have definite  
  
bribery material. He was suddenly very glad that he had talked  
  
himself out of transforming into Tuxedo Kamen and taking pictures  
  
from the tree outside her bedroom window. All they would find was  
  
poor quality photographs, taken with the flash disabled, of Usagi in  
  
the park, Usagi in the Crown Arcade with Motoki, Usagi fighting with  
  
her friend Rei, Usagi eating lunch outside with her friends Ami and  
  
Motoki during school... 'Okay, that's it, I admit I have a problem,'  
  
he thought to himself, but for now the most important thing on his  
  
mind was stopping the senshi from finding that box!  
  
  
  
He stepped back behind them, certain that they were sufficiently  
  
trapped in the room. "I don't know how you found out who I really  
  
am," he said, his voice loud and clear, "and I don't know what  
  
possessed you to toilet paper my bedroom, but I would really  
  
appreciate it if you would stop abusing my poor closet." Sailor  
  
Mercury swung around mid incantation, accidentally flooding his  
  
bedroom with the fog, and the look of horror and shame in her eyes  
  
made him grin inside, despite the trashing of his room and the loss  
  
of his secret identity. He missed seeing Sailor Moon's reaction  
  
because of the fog, but he heard her squeal of surprise and the  
  
rattling of hangers as she scrambled out of the depths of his closet,  
  
wrecking havoc on his clothes as she tried to struggle to her feet.  
  
  
  
Apparently Sailor Moon couldn't see through Mercury's fog any more  
  
than Tuxedo Kamen could, because he heard her whisper to  
  
Mercury, "Quick, we have to get out of here before Mamoru-baka  
  
wonders why the Sailor Senshi are in his house!" Mercury grabbed  
  
Sailor Moon by the wrist and pulled her towards the balcony door,  
  
unhindered by her own fog.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon's use of Usagi's nickname for Mamoru hadn't escaped  
  
Tuxedo Kamen's notice. His eyes widened behind the mask, and he  
  
rushed to the locked balcony door to further hinder their escape.  
  
Sailor Mercury saw Tuxedo Kamen's leap over the bed, through the  
  
curtain of toilet paper, effectively beating them to the door, but  
  
she couldn't stop Sailor Moon in time. She plummeted right into  
  
Tuxedo Kamen's chest, and was caught and held fast in his arms.  
  
  
  
Several thoughts were struggling for dominance in Tuxedo Kamen's  
  
brain. Usagi was Sailor Moon. Usagi didn't seem to know that Mamoru  
  
was Tuxedo Kamen, although Sailor Mercury had no doubt figured it  
  
out. Usagi was Sailor Moon! Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury had  
  
broken into Mamoru's house not knowing that he was Tuxedo Kamen.  
  
Probably to cause the toilet paper decorations - stupid April Fool's  
  
Day. Usagi was Sailor Moon!! Thank goodness the senshi had not  
  
discovered his box of Usagi photographs! Why on earth had they been  
  
after his green jacket?  
  
  
  
Usagi was Sailor Moon!!! The girl with the great butt in the very  
  
short skirt that was clinging to his tuxedo jacket front for balance  
  
was both Usagi and Sailor Moon. The girl that was connected to him  
  
in some special way so that he could sense her transformation, feel  
  
her fear, and find her when she was in trouble was both Usagi and  
  
Sailor Moon. The girl he protected from the Dark Kingdom, who  
  
bravely faced the Dark Kingdom generals and faced off with their  
  
youma, was both Usagi and Sailor Moon. The girl that was always late  
  
for school, scored poorly on English tests, and was always running  
  
literally into his arms was both Usagi and Sailor Moon. The girl  
  
that he worried was not mature enough for him was the same girl that  
  
he had dismissed as being too important and too powerful for him.  
  
Both of these incredible girls shared the same warm body, and that  
  
body was currently in his arms. There was only one thing to do. He  
  
kissed her.  
  
***  
  
'Mamoru-baka is kissing me in his bedroom, and he doesn't know who I  
  
am!' Sailor Moon's mind screamed. His lips were warm as they  
  
caressed her own, and she found herself closing her eyes against the  
  
blinding fog and letting herself enjoy the sensation that she knew  
  
she would never feel as Usagi. Her hands still clung to his jacket,  
  
even though his strong arms were wrapped around her, holding her  
  
steady, which was a good thing because her knees were growing  
  
unsteady.  
  
  
  
Mamoru licked her lips and took advantage when she gasped in  
  
surprise. She let him explore her mouth, and gave his lips a  
  
tentative lick. The man kissing her groaned with desire, and Sailor  
  
Moon couldn't help wishing that Mamoru would kiss Usagi like he was  
  
kissing Sailor Moon. She also couldn't help but feel like she was  
  
being unfaithful to Tuxedo Kamen. The man shifted her in his arms  
  
then, giving her short teasing kisses that shooed away thought and  
  
stroking her cheek with a gloved hand.  
  
  
  
A gloved hand.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon's eyes flew opened. The fog had cleared. She wasn't  
  
being kissed by Mamoru. She was kissing Tuxedo Kamen.  
  
  
  
Tuxedo Kamen still had an arm around her, and he tightened his grip  
  
again when she would have escaped it. "What's the matter, Sailor  
  
Moon?" he asked, his voice sounding thick and rough. "Did you think  
  
I was someone else?"  
  
  
  
"But I... I mean, I..." Sailor Moon began. "Where is Mamoru-baka?"  
  
  
  
Tuxedo Kamen laughed, the sound beautiful. "Why should Mamoru be  
  
here?" he asked.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon sputtered, "Well, this is his apartment! And he was here  
  
just a minute ago! I heard his voice." She tried to turn around in  
  
Tuxedo Kamen's arms, wondering if Mamoru might still be standing by  
  
the closet. She got the quickest glimpse through the shredded toilet  
  
paper canopy over the bed, just enough to see that there was nobody  
  
by the closet, before Tuxedo Kamen turned her back to face him, his  
  
gloved hand on her chin.  
  
  
  
"Really?" he asked. "You heard his voice? And you thought you were  
  
kissing Mamoru? Are you disappointed that you were only kissing me?"  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon wasn't sure, but it sounded like he was teasing her, only  
  
Tuxedo Kamen had never teased anybody! Of course, she really hadn't  
  
had much of an opportunity to actually talk to Tuxedo Kamen. She  
  
heard his speeches, watched in adoration as he threw his steel-tipped  
  
roses at the youma, and was whisked away into his arms when the need  
  
arose, but she had never really talked with him! "Disappointed?" she  
  
managed to echo.  
  
  
  
"I felt you transform today, but I couldn't find you for the longest  
  
time," Tuxedo Kamen was saying. "I looked in the park, and I looked  
  
everywhere else I could think of, but I couldn't find you, and I  
  
couldn't find any youma."  
  
  
  
"Um... That is I..." Sailor Moon couldn't help but feel a little  
  
ashamed that her 'abuse of senshi powers,' as Mercury had called it,  
  
had caused him trouble. "I didn't know you could feel me transform,"  
  
she finally managed to say.  
  
  
  
"I can," he answered. "I can also feel when you're in trouble. That  
  
is how I find you, how I find the senshi battles. Today, though, you  
  
didn't seem to be in trouble. Maybe that is why I had trouble  
  
finding you?"  
  
  
  
"Maybe," Sailor Moon muttered, lowering her eyes.  
  
  
  
"Do you know what I did?" Tuxedo Kamen asked.  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon shook her head. How was she supposed to know what Tuxedo  
  
Kamen would do? She was beginning to realize that she knew next to  
  
nothing about him.  
  
  
  
"I decided to go home," he answered. "I de-transformed and went  
  
home. And can you guess what I found when I got there?" he asked.  
  
He didn't wait for her answer. "There were intruders in my house.  
  
Two of them. And they had toilet papered my bedroom and were going  
  
through my closet! Isn't that the funniest thing?"  
  
  
  
Sailor Moon's eyes grew unbelievably wide, and she raised them to  
  
look at Tuxedo Kamen's face. He was smiling down at her, not one of  
  
Tuxedo Kamen's gentle smiles of encouragement, but one of Mamoru's  
  
teasing, cocky grins. "What were you doing in my closet, Odango  
  
Atama?" he finally asked, confirming her suspicions.  
  
  
  
She tried again to step out of his embrace, but he held her tight.  
  
Her tiaras might be more powerful than his roses and cane, but she  
  
was obviously no match for his physical strength. "Your closet?" she  
  
finally managed to say, and then, "Don't call me Odango Atama!"  
  
  
  
He stroked the side of her face with his gloved hand, and leaned  
  
closer to her, as if to kiss her. "Would you rather I call you  
  
Usako?" He kissed her again, and Sailor Moon couldn't help but  
  
respond, knowing that it was both Mamoru and Tuxedo Kamen she was  
  
kissing, and that they both accepted both of her identities, both the  
  
clumsy school girl and the super-heroine that would use her powers to  
  
toilet paper a boy's bedroom for April Fool's Day. 


End file.
